that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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