you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
