you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
