Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
