it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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