all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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