and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
