You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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