spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
