the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
