Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
