some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Never underestimate the power of titties
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
