then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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