I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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