Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
