I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
