That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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