Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
