The maid of honor just puked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
