I accidentally burped into my bong.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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