Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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