people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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