im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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