totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
