I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
