u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
