Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
