ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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