margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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