dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
