The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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