I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
