i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
