Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
