one might say we're banned from that church
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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