I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
