There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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