My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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