I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
