I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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