ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
