Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
