if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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