I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
