DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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