Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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