Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
