STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
