remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
