Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
