***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
