I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
