Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
