just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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