I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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