Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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