We won't sleep together?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The air was thick with penises
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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