i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
