Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
