Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
