So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize