I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
