how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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