We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
