My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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