Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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