My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
