I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
