First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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