I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
