Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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