you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
