I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
