I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize