I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
