You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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