omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
