the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
